Top Refusal Skills for Teens: How to Say No Under Pressure
Teens can use refusal skills to get out of uncomfortable or high-pressure situations. Learn the top ten refusal skills for teens, when to use them, and how to practice them.
What are Refusal Skills?
Refusal skills are strategies for handling peer pressure. Refusal skills are ways for teens to say no to something they don't want to do.
When to Use Refusal Skills
Teens can experience peer pressure during social situations in person and online. They may feel pressure to use substances, participate in bullying, commit a crime, or engage in sexual activity. Refusal skills allow teens to express and stick to their boundaries.
10 Refusal Skills for Teens
#1 Just say no.
Why it works: A confident, simple “no” says that the conversation is over.
Tip: Make eye contact and use a clear voice to sound confident even if you're uncomfortable.
#2 Suggest an alternative activity.
Example:
"No thanks. Actually, let's get some food. I'm starving."
Why it works: Offering an alternative tells the person you still want to spend time with them. But you can do an activity you're comfortable with.
#3 Leave the situation.
Examples:
Leave the conversation.
Leave the room.
Leave the location.
Why it works: Once you're out of the situation, the pressure decreases. Then you can figure out your next steps.
Tip: Create a safety codeword to send to a parent or trusted adult. When you send the codeword, the person will come to pick you up, no questions asked.
#4 Reverse the pressure.
Examples:
"If you love me, you'll do this."
Response: "If you love me, you won't pressure me to."
"Just try it once. If you hate it, I won't ask again."
Response: "No. Why would I do something I'm going to hate?"
Why it works: Reversing the pressure gives you more control over the situation.
#5 Use humor.
Examples:
"If I smoke, I'll smell as bad as you."
"I'm fun already. I don't need that."
Why it works: A joke or a lighthearted comment lifts the tension.
#6 Ignore the offer.
Examples:
Don't reply to a text.
Don't acknowledge the offer. Continue talking or hanging out as if it never happened.·
Why it works: No response sends a message that you're not interested.
#7 Give an excuse.
Examples:
"No thanks. I always get a headache when I'm around cigarette smoke."
"You know I'm a terrible liar. If my parents ask, we will get caught."
Why it works: Excuses give the person an explanation for why you're saying no.
#8 Pass the blame.
Example:
"Are you trying to get rid of me? My parents would never let us hang out again."
Why it works: When you pass the blame, you don't have to defend yourself or your choice.
#9 Pull in help.
Example:
"Hey guys, help me out. I told him 'no,' but he won't leave me alone."
Why it works: Bringing in other people reverses the peer pressure.
#10 Change the subject.
Example:
"No thanks. Hey, how did you like that movie?"
Why it works: Changing the topic sends a message that your mind is made up.
Preventive Tactics
Teens can avoid or reduce peer pressure using the following preventive tactics:
Knowing and communicating boundaries ahead of time
Hanging out in groups
Hanging out in public places instead of at someone's house
Not using substances
Substance use makes it harder to stick to boundaries and use refusal skills.
How to Practice Refusal Skills
It's a good idea for teens to practice refusal skills. Practicing helps them decide which skills they are comfortable using. Teens can practice refusal skills by role-playing or discussing peer pressure scenarios.
Role-Play
Introduce a peer pressure scenario from below or come up with one. Teens can respond to the situation by saying or acting out the refusal skill they choose.
Ask your teen how they felt using refusal skills. Talk about possible outcomes or preventive tactics they can use.
Discussions
You and your teen can talk through peer pressure scenarios step-by-step. Use open-ended questions to learn what refusal skill your teen would use and why.
How would you respond to this situation?
Why did you choose that refusal skill?
What other refusal skills do you think could work for this scenario?
What do you think would happen if you used that refusal skill?
After discussing the scenario, talk about preventive tactics they could have used.
Peer Pressure Scenarios
A friend makes fun of a classmate's social media post. They leave a comment and ask you to comment too.
Your girlfriend/boyfriend texts asking you to sneak out and come over.
At a concert, an acquaintance offers you a pill and asks if you want to take it.
Two friends drink at a sleepover and invite everyone to join them.
Health Education Programs
McMillen Health uses interactive activities to teach refusal skills in our bullying prevention, substance use prevention education, and life skills education programs.
Using high-tech media rooms, our educators can reach classrooms anywhere with an internet connection. Ready to schedule a program? Click here.